Planning for the Future: When is Natural Family Planning OK?
Liana Eisenman-Wolford
Originally posted on 5/2/2010

“I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I have not always believed in Natural Family Planning (NFP) or seen artificial contraception as immoral. I thought this was a situation in which the Church was misguided. However, I have learned that when I disagree with Church teaching, the responsibility is mine to learn all I can about the whys and wherefores, not to turn my back on the teaching and go my own way. So it was with NFP.

Fr. Brian has provided a good overview of Church teaching and its basis in the dignity of the human person. If you do not mind challenging reading, I would suggest John Paul II’s book, Love and Responsibility for a very in-depth explanation of this topic. If his style is too dense, however, there are many books by Catholic authors that summarize his work on the theology of the body. I chose to read Love and Responsibility because I did not want someone else’s interpretation. Reading that book completely changed my outlook on NFP and greatly influenced my view of human sexuality overall. I came to a new understanding of the value of our sexuality and its expression within the covenant of marriage in the act of intercourse. I came to understand that introducing artificial contraception into the covenant act is similar to using the Blessed Sacrament as a pizza topping – it profanes what is sacred.

Learning how we are to use our sexuality in the marriage covenant and putting that knowledge into practice are two distinct issues, however. I believe this is why Fr. Brian asked me to write. Surrendering control of sexuality goes against popular culture, common sense, and the sensibilities of many devout Christians. In our case, my husband and I had many good reasons to postpone having children. He is a contract worker and cannot plan on steady, long-term employment. We have a mortgage and my student loans to pay off. After marriage, we moved into a house that needed some repairs. I want to stay home and raise our children until they are at least school-age. Our plan was to use NFP to avoid children for five years. At that time, we figured, we would be debt-free (including the mortgage) and I would have enough experience in the field to be able to get a job again once the children were school-age. Many people would say this was a wise plan and a good use of NFP.

After learning more about the gift of sexuality and spending much time in prayer and discernment, however, we disagreed. Beginning in September 2009, we stopped using NFP to avoid having children. Why surrender partially? If we believe that God is in control and has great plans for us, why not trust Him to plan our family? In mid-October, I conceived our first child. This has brought us to a new place in our relationship with God. Obviously, this wasn’t our initial plan. However, we are thankful for this new life entrusted to us. We trust God that His wisdom is better than ours. And He has provided. My husband has had no breaks in employment. I have found a job that allows for very flexible hours and will take me back working 5-10 hours a week once the baby is born, allowing me to supplement our income without giving up our child to another caregiver. We found that our home, although built in 1955, does not have lead paint. We have been well and truly blessed.

I do not think that using NFP is sinful. When a mother’s health is at risk or the parents truly cannot provide for a child, it is a morally acceptable way to postpone having children. However, when using it to avoid conception, you must consider very carefully your reasons for doing so. For example, what do you need in order to provide for a child? Are you using your resources wisely? You may look at your budget and see no room for the added expense a child will bring. In most cases, this simply is not true. What are you spending per month on internet? cable? eating out? travel? gifts? These are all places where a significant amount of money can be cut from the budget (no, not a cheaper cable package – no cable!). What are you paying in rent or on your mortgage? Could you move somewhere less expensive? Ultimately, you need to ask yourself if you are avoiding having a child because you truly cannot provide for one or because you are unwilling to give up your current standard of living. NFP can be used selfishly, to preserve your comfort rather than to use wisely what God has given you.

You and your spouse are responsible for the decision you make regarding how to use the gift of your sexuality. It is important that you both are willing to earnestly seek the will of God and that you will support each other in the life God chooses for you. An “unexpected” child can try the strength of your relationship and lead you to blame each other if you are not in total agreement before that child arrives. Friends and relatives may consider your choice to be foolish, especially if you need to make significant financial sacrifices to provide for your child. Even spiritual leaders may urge you to reconsider. Remember that your friends, family, and counselors are not members of your marriage covenant; it is reserved for you, your spouse, and God.

As I write this, our first child is happily kicking away and using space I intended to keep for my internal organs. I won’t say that carrying this child has made us happy about the disruption in our plans for the first five years. But I can say, completely without reservation, that to follow God and obey His will brings more joy than anything we could accomplish without Him.